Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
