i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
