I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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