one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
