her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
