I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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