you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
