sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
