If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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