I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
