i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
