Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
