Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My vagina is officially offended.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
