Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
