I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
