I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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