Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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