Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
