fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
