Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
