I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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