Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
