Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
