he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
