How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
