lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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