I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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