i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
