imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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