U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
