I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
