too bad you live with your parents still
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
