I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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