Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
