My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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