what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
