Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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