You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
