yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I did not marry a roomba.
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