Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
