I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
