It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
