:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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