I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
