Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
