Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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