Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
