Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
