I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
