no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
