Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
