these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
